They told me I had to write a blog, so here I am. I figured I’d combine my passions and imagine how some of our familiar pop-music friends would do in a game of Call of Duty: Warzone against each other.
If you’re not familiar with it, the idea of Warzone is simple: it’s pretty much just Fortnite without the bright colors. A maximum of 150 players jump into a huge arena that’s based off suburban Ukraine, and as a lethal gas cloud closes in, they attempt to be the last player standing.
Before we begin, have a look at the map of Verdansk:
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So, how would our favorite pop stars fare in the wild world of Warzone?
Drake: Since the self-proclaimed 6-God is a man of class and expensive tastes, he would almost certainly drop in somewhere around the Downtown Tavorsk District. It’s home to high-rises and hot fashion. Drizzy claims he’s from the hood and had to hustle for his fame, so I have a feeling he’d jump to the street level and start collecting weapons there. Unfortunately for the former Degrassi star, he’s the symbol of wealth, privilege, and avoiding conflict, so he’d probably get taken out early by a sniper on top of the skyscrapers. I can only imagine he’d keep his in-game “Money In the Grave.”
Louis Tomlinson: The former One Direction crooner is a big soccer fan, and lucky for him, Verdansk is home to a massive stadium. He’d probably drop in there, but get disappointed when he finds out that the inside of the stadium isn’t accessible in-game. Plus, that’s one of the most dangerous areas of the map, so “Only the Brave” would survive there.
Post Malone: Let’s be real, if Posty brought his beer-pong skills to Warzone, there would be no stopping him. He’d probably launch into the Krovnik Farmland, in search of a “Sunflower” or two. His only fault would be that his legendary face tats and love for expensive cars wouldn’t help him blend in very well – Malone would go home after scoring a top-40 finish, just like most of his records!
Tekashi 6ix 9ine: This rapper’s got a fighting chance at winning the game, given his experience with NYC’s infamous 9 Trey Bloods gang. Since his high-profile court case ruled the airwaves, he’d drop in at the TV Station in the middle of the map. Known to fans and foes alike as a snitch, Tekashi’s in-game downfall would be that eventually, an enemy player would sneak up on him when he’s least expecting it. A top-15 finish for sure.
My pop-stars-in-Warzone top 3: Taylor Swift, Travis Scott, and Roddy Ricch.
Now in the “End Game“, with the lethal gas clouds closing in rapidly and only a little space left to operate, three pop stars remain. Nobody knows how Taylor got this far, but she wins at everything she does – except the Cats movie. She finishes third. Travis, who’s famously a Fortnite fan, has the skillset to win just about any battle royale game. But Roddy, who raps about his “bulletproof Cadillac,” manages to find a vehicle. In Warzone, when a car or truck slams into an enemy player, that’s definitely Game Over for them, and so with seconds remaining, I imagine Roddy puts his Cadillac to good use and eliminates Travis, securing the W.